Parents - Siblings2

Special Parent Special Child Vol. 5, No. 1 Jan/Feb 1989

Sibling Reactions

In recent years studies have been conducted of siblings with a disabled brother or sister in an effort to document what behaviors or patterns of behavior can arise in the family. These basic reactions have been identified: reverting to illness, mimicry or regression; acting out; becoming a model child. On close examination, these patterns of behavior appear to be ways of seeking attention or approval.

Regression. Regressing to infantile behavior such as thumb-sucking, waking in the night, demanding to be spoon-fed or losing previously mastered skills such as toileting are all bids for attention and are demonstrations of feeling neglected. Mimicking the disabled baby's condition or symptoms is another sign that the sibling feels too much attention is being paid to his handicapped brother or sister. Some siblings become increasingly vulnerable to colds or other illnesses and even when ill for a legitimate reason cling to their symptoms longer than necessary. In this way, consciously or unconsciously, they receive the care and nurturing that they yearn for.

Acting out. This type of behavior is difficult for families to handle and can run the gamut from pinching or picking fights with others- including the disabled brother or sister- to more serious forms of tantrums, truancy and outright refusal to conform to family rules. Lying, cheating and stealing are other serious behaviors that can arise.

Model child syndrome. This is the most difficult of all to identify as troublesome behavior. The sibling in many cases is subservient and becomes indispensable, taking over the burdens of child care chores, housework and other family obligations. Often, superhuman efforts on the part of the sibling are expended to achieve at school and sports activities as well. More likely than not, the overachieving "model child" feels in some way the he personally has to make up for the pain and sorrow of having a disabled sibling. In fact the model sibling has become adept at masking or repressing his ambivalent feelings. Thus robbed of normal expression and in all probability feeling guilty, this type of sibling can only overachieve as a way of shoring up self-esteem or winning approval. Often, grateful parents, relieved of some of their burdens, are unaware of the high price their model child is paying with his "adult" behavior.

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